I'm going on my first road trip in years next week. No husband, no dog...just me. So much time has passed since I've spent time by myself. In a sense getting married ruined being alone for me because now I have someone that I miss when I don't get regular doses of him. Before marriage I used to spent huge chunks of time alone. Days could by without speaking because there was no one else there. I was seldom actually lonely. The Hubba's been out of town all this week, and although I've worked most of the days, the few that I had off made me connect with that part of me that loves solitude. I won't be spending my whole trip alone, just the 'getting there' part. Once I arrive an old friend and I, and perhaps one or more of her kids, will go to the coast and look at tide pools and swim in the ocean and hike. When that trip is over and I return, the Hubba will go away again for another climbing trip. For some reason I like being away from him long enough to miss him. I like thinking about him and thinking about missing him, rather then being annoyed at him, for one reason or another, which has been happening a lot lately. I like the anticipation of seeing him again.
Ed Abbey writes, '....in these hours of solitude I hope to discover something, to renew my affection for myself, and the human kind in general by a temporary, legal separation from the mass.' ( Desert Solitaire, pg. 155)
Thats how I feel. For some reason solitude is a necessary thing for me. I need it to remember who i am and where I am going. I need it in order to know myself and to remember myself.